Kitty’s Place

LOL .. at last I have a hobbit name. Tigerlily Hamwich of Buckleberry Fern. Too funny

Today was ‘utdagar’ at öppna förskolan. Once a month the morning playgroup goes outside for the day and we cook hotdogs on a grill and the kids play in the sand and have kid fun. I have been neglecting playgroup shamefully. It is just hard to make myself go because after a year I still don’t really fit. It is especially noticeable at the moment when I find myself shedding tears over the least little thing. But we went yesterday and the woman who runs the group made a point of telling the kidlet to come for ‘korv och brod’ today. So off we went and spent the morning in sun and fresh air. It was nice. I find myself thinking in swedish more and more often these days but still have a problem making the words go from my brain to my mouth and then out into the world. *laugh*

Had a phonecall this morning before we left, about my upcoming job. It is a cleaning job at a centre that does classes for school groups. It will be a once a week thing and will pay about $13/hr after taxes. It will also be a good reference for me when I go on the job hunt after the kidlet starts school. The best part is that I can go on weekends if I prefer and the kidlet can come along occasionally. He loves to ‘clean’ with mom and I know he will enjoy both that and the bus/train/subway trip. So it has been a sunny kind of day in more ways than one.

Last evening was swedish class. There is only one more to this term. It was nice that I actually got every answer right when we were doing the ‘fill’ in the blanks on the grammar stuff. That is a first for me.

This instructor(G)is really good, she takes the time to explain new words if we don’t know them and does not automatically revert to english every time someone has a hard time. Last night she was explaining “medelvärde”. She could have just said “mean average” .. the majority of the class speak english as well as their own language. But she didn’t do that. She reminded us that we all been tested during the two previous classes and she wrote on the board a ‘mark’ for each class member, added them and then divided it by the number of members and showed us the ‘medelvärde’ … I find that teaching method more effective, first because it is visual and secondly because she keeps up a running dialogue in simple swedish as she does it. So we hear even more of the language while she is explaining a single word.

Unfortunately I don’t find the other teacher (A) nearly as effective or approachable. She uses the ’sarcasm method’ and it really grates on me. I feel that method just breeds contempt. Fact is I will not even ask her a question and I tune her out as often as possible. I knew she was going to ask us last night what we had planned for vacation this summer. (not sure why I knew but I actually composed a 3 sentence answer during my walk to school) So we all sit down and A asks … and me first … I opened my mouth and croaked out ‘vi åka till Sundsvall’ … not the nicely phrased answer about having two weeks vacation and spending one camping in Sundsvall and the other making day trips. She looked at me and repeated her question adding ’speak up’ …. now I was really nervous. Then from the corner of my eye I caught sight of G nodding and smiling encouragingly. So I looked at her instead and managed a much more detailed answer.

Ever since the evening A corrected me for using the word går(go) instead of åka(travel) by saying (in english) “Kitty, you will åka to Canada, not går. If you går you will take very long to get there” accompanying the statement with hand motions of walking, I have been unable to feel comfortable with her. I felt like a 5 year old being corrected and I am always worrying now if she is going to embarrass me again. Not a very tolerable feeling for anyone and especially hard for a 43 year old who is articulate in her own language.

Anyway, one more class to go and then 2 summer school classes. I will have to work hard over the summer so I can write the test again in October to pass this level of swedish training. In the interim though, I am going to enjoy the sunshine!

Isn’t it sad that we lose our innocence and spontaneity? Today we were grocery shopping and as I was packing my groceries into the bag I heard little children voices calling my son. It was two of the kids he knows from playgroup. They were so excited to see him that they were literally dancing around. The little girl ran over and gave him the biggest hug. People in the store were smiling at these little kidlet antics. It isn’t as if they have not seen other recently, although it has been over a week, since I was not up to going last week. But it made me think about how we lose that delightful, uninhabited way of greeting as we grow older.

There was a card in the mail this morning. A sympathy card. It made me feel so much better. I know it is a petty way to look at things, but the thing I missed most about not being home when my dad died was that caring interaction. The people dropping over to see how you are getting on and reminiscing. The cards in the mail and being able to see the flowers. I did have phone calls but missed the cards and flowers. Now I feel like things are right in the world. *smile*

It is Mothers Day here. Well it is in this country although there is no sign of it in my house. Kidlet has been wreaking havoc non stop since he got up and dad slept till noon. No one has said happy mothers day and I am feeling put out. Of course the kidlet is too young to know it is a special day and he can’t talk enough yet to say that anyway. *laugh* His father never acknowledges special days. I have yet to hear a happy birthday or anything else in the 4 years we have been together. He does do gifts at christmas and birthdays .. just never says the words. You would think I would have given hoping for more, but humans are strange beings. *smile*

Well that is my rant and now I will go and finish picking up the mess here. Happy Mothers Day to those who haven’t heard it yet today. *smile*

As I was walking back from the laundry room tonight I was marveling at the fact that it was still daylight at 10 pm. Last year I would actually get up at 3 am just to see that dawn was breaking. It is something that makes me realize how big and diverse this world is and reminds me what a small bit of it I am. *smile*

Of course there is a downside or two to living in a place where at the height of summer there is only an hour of night time. The kidlet thinks he should get up when the sun does. So mornings are getting earlier and earlier here. Yesterday I actually put dark curtains into the bedroom in an effort to extend his sleep time. The other disadvantage is that in winter it is dark at 3 pm and stays that way until 9 am. Then again … who wants all that daylight when it is too cold to go out anyway. *laugh*

This place becomes more and more my home with each passing day. Who ever would have thought this is where I would be at 43. *smile*

A few years ago my brother spent hours and hours creating a video made up of old 8mm movies from our childhood. It was a labour of love for him and something he found helped him with the grieving process after our mom died. It is filled with memories and every time I watch it my world overflows with giggles, laughs and tears.

I watched it yesterday with my son. When the phone call came saying my dad was gone, the video was one of the first things I thought of. We sat in a big chair together and my 2 1/2 year old actually recognized my grandparents and aunts and uncles … but he kept laughing at me when I would say “that is mamma”. He could not process the information that the 2 year old on tv was a little mom. As we watched and he laughed at the images of old men fiddling and stepdancing I thought about the circle. We are born, we live our lives and we die. If we are lucky we manage to touch the heart of at least one other person in our time in this world.

My dad was a good man. He never did anything spectacular and was not famous or rich. When he was a very little boy his family nicknamed him “Sunny” because he was so happy all the time. He kept that sunny disposition all of his 67 years. His legacy is the family and friends he touched with that sunshine in his time here. We five children will grieve for him but more importantly we will remember him with smiles and laughter and pass those treasures on to our own children. So the circle is complete and the cycle of life continues.