Kitty’s Place

I just finished reading “Across the Nightingale Floor” by Lian Hearn. This is a really wonderful story. Well written, totally absorbing. Every spare minute between Monday and today has been spent reading. Thanks for recommending it!

This week I have been bone weary. My fellow is too. It must be the winter blahs, lack of sunlight etc. Even the kidlet is tired and cries over every little thing. I can understand why people go away in February. I am very sad as well, not because of anything in particular, just because I am tired I think. So little has been done here, usual cleaning, washed all the mats, sorted some of our papers. We went to playgroup Mon, Wed, Thurs and the kidlet went to preschool every day except Thursday. Yesterday he went to the pool with farfar and they were there for 3 hours. He slept over with his grandparents and came home about 15 minutes ago. So I am cooking up potatismos and köttbullar (mashed potatoes and meatballs) which is what he requested for lunch. I think we will go to ÖoB after preschool today. I have to shop for veggies to make tacos for dinner so we will go to Willy’s too. By then I am sure we will both be ready for a sleep. *laugh*

We had a strange but fun weekend.

Saturday we just hung around all day. Slept in, got up and had breakfast, went back to bed, watched tv, went back to bed. *laugh* We finally got around to showers about 4 pm and then went grocery shopping at 6 pm. After we shopped the kidlet really wanted McDonalds so my fellow got him a happy meal. Kidlet played in the balls while we were waiting. Then it was home to relax again. I love lazy days. *smile*

Sunday we both had to go to work. So were up early and headed out. I took the kidlet with me and we started off with breakfast at McDonalds. He was going through withdrawal I think, since we haven’t been out to eat or to shop or even on the bus, since he started preschool. Then we went in and I cleaned at Äventyret. We were home around 4 pm, but my fellow didn’t get home until after 7 pm. I talked to lots of family yesterday. While were out Aunt Maud phoned and so did Eric. I called him when we got in and had a chat. Aunt Maud called again and we visited some. I called and left a message at my sister’s house, since I have called a couple times since new years but never catch anyone there. Then we called my grandparents and talked for an hour. Jan 26th is always a tough day, you would think after 11 years I would not miss my mom so much, but I still think of her and miss her every day.

Now it is Monday again and while I type the kidlet is sitting playing his guitar and singing. As soon as I am done here we will get ready for playgroup and another week of fun will start. *smile*

I had plans for Wednesday with a woman from the US who lives here in Sweden. She was going to come for a visit Wednesday morning and we were going to drop off the kidlet at preschool and have some grownup talk. Tuesday night she phoned and said she could not make it because she was going home to the US. I was stunned. She didn’t give me a lot of info and I didn’t ask since it was obvious she was upset. I knew from talking to her on Monday that she had gone through some bad spells over the holidays but she said she was doing ok with the adjustment. Have been thinking about her since and keep hoping when I check my mail there will be a note saying she is ok.

It got me thinking about why in general some people make it and some don’t. I know that most of the people who have come here from North America that I have had contact with, seem to love their SO’s as much as I love mine. I know they all come with good intentions of making the adjustment to life here and hopes that they can do it in record time. So what is it that changes? At first I thought it might be the language thing. Then I wondered if it is just a relationship thing, since not every relationship lasts. Then I thought it was perhaps a combination. Finally I pondered that it was dependent on the maturity level of the people involved.

Being the quick tempered redhead I am, there have been many time in the past (almost) 3 years that I have said “I am going home!”. There have been times when I seriously debated it in my mind. It has not been a cakewalk learning to live in a new country, with cultural differences and a new language to learn. But no matter how many times I have said and thought it, it has never really been an option, because I could not go back to Canada without my fellow. For his part, I am sure it has been hard dealing with my adjustments and making his own. We moved into his space and changed his life a lot. Even though there are times when he is totally frustrated with me, he keeps his cool and we work things out.

I really do believe though that it would have been harder and the likelihood of my going back would have been much greater if he had not made the move first. The two years we were together in Canada let us develop a relationship without the language issue. Sure it was tough for him, he left his family and friends and moved to a strange country to stay with a woman he had only spoken to online. He saw a lot of strife in my life and we had our own problems. But on the whole, he had a very good idea about what it would be like in North America from all the tv shows and movies he grew up with here. So some of the stressors were not an issues. I also think that if we had not had the kidlet, the 15 months apart when he came back here, might have ended in us parting ways. But we had a child to consider so even when things got tense, we worked at it. So in my case, I have been very lucky. I had the chance to build our relationship on my own turf before moving to his.

So is this what it all boils down to? Is it the luck of the draw?

This morning we went back to BVC to have a repeat eye test and balance test. Post haircut, without hair dangling in his eyes, the kidlet was able to read to the last line of the eye chart with both eyes and to the second last line with one eye covered. The nurse said that is how it should be and he should be able to read the last line with one eye covered when he is 5. We have been practicing at home for his balance and he walked that straight line heel to toe just like a pro. *laugh* He was some proud of himself too. So we go back in a year for his 5 year old checkup.

The power went out while I was making dinner. In almost 3 years of living here, I can count on one hand how often this has happened (and still have fingers left over *laugh*). So I am measuring water for rice and blackness occurs. As if he was 1000 miles away, I can hear this little voice call out one little panic stricken word “mamma?”. He has never been awake when the power went out before so this was totally new to him. I called out for him to stay in the chair, I was coming. As totally unorganized as I am, I knew where both flashlights were and handed one over to the kidlet in a flash. He was really freaked out that we could not watch tv or use the computers. Since we have had lightbulbs burn out before, the lack of lights was not so scary. It lasted almost an hour and I set him down on the floor with his little parking garage and cars. He played with little interjections every 5 minutes or so, “mamma, when will the tv come back?”.

This is one of those “I hate everything” days. They don’t happen often but boy is this a big one. *laugh*

I woke this morning to the sound of the bedroom door closing, the kidlet shut it so he could turn on the tv. I did not want to get up at all. Was having the nicest dream where I was in my very own home, with my own furniture, having tea with my mom’s china, poured from my grandmother’s teapot. I really don’t know why I am missing my ‘things’ so much lately. Perhaps it is that I have started looking at what I need to put into storage here and am realizing that very little of it is mine. Or just a desire for a home that we will get together, since I moved into my fellow’s apartment with all his stuff already in place.

Am feeling really cramped lifestyle wise as well. It has only been a week since preschool started but already I am missing my trips into the city and our all afternoon trips to browse in stores and take the kidlet to McDonalds.

Was thinking this morning that I want to get married and have another baby. Now that is a thought from out in left field. I have never cared about marrying again since my divorce and I really have no desire to have another child at 45. Perhaps it is just the mid winters blues. It had better be. *laugh*

Now I am going to make a cup of tea in the teapot that was here when I moved in and I will drink it from my very own cup, a gift from Eric & Marla. *smile*

This morning we went to öppna förskolan. LL was thrilled because all his favourite playmates were there today, he got to eat lunch there with the other kids and they all got ice cream. Since he had eaten, my plan was to run to the grocery store in the 45 minutes we had between playgroup and preschool. We started to the store, a 5 minute walk away. The kidlet wanted to walk on the shortcut, the one the big kids use. So I said ok. That was my big mistake of the day. *laugh* The shortcut is not paved, it is on grass. It was covered with ice, but all the ice around the actual path was gone. So my son would take 2 steps, slip on the ice, fall, laugh, get up, take another couple steps and repeat the performance. 20 feet later he made it to meet me and was covered in mud. The coat, snow pants, hat and mitts I washed yesterday afternoon were a mass of mud. So we went home instead, I washed the mud off him and his boots and then got out last year’s snowsuit, with fits still but is a bit snug. Of course with a 4 year old, you must have half a dozen hats, pairs of mitts and at least one reserve snowsuit (we have two although the jacket of the second reserve one is getting a bit short in the arms *laugh*) So while I was a bit ticked about the fact I had just washed them, I also thought it was funny and we giggled a lot while he was playing on that ice.

I never did get to talk to the teacher today. So I will talk to her Monday, will go there early. It was a bit chaotic today when we went and she was not very approachable. I went in with him and she said “you can go, I will help him off with his clothes”. I did have the kidlet show me today what happened. He and another kid were jumping and then letting themselves fall on a big round cushion that has a little lip around it, that little babies play in. He jumped and fell, then his friend jumped but he did it before LL got out of the way, so he hit him when he jumped. He does this all the time in the morning, but the kids from playgroup know they have to wait for the area to be clear before they take their leap.

We had lasagna and garlic bread for dinner. I am exhausted but I couldn’t sleep. I think that LL must have heard someone talking about dreams, maybe in a story at preschool. Tonight I tucked him in and about 10 minutes later he called me back to say he couldn’t sleep. When I asked why, he said he had a dream. I asked what his dream was about and he said had a dream in his tummy and it was keeping him awake. His father suggested candy might help at that point so I got out the remaining halloween candy … some sweet tart thingies and lollipops and he had that. Then it was back to bed and he was asleep in a couple of minutes. We are such permissive parents. *laugh*

No weekend plans other than I will have to go in to work one of the two days.

I read a message board for americans in Sweden, have been reading and posting there since 1998. Today for the very first time ever, I actually debated deleting my profile and not going back. Why in the world can’t the people who are *not* the expat part of a couple, keep silent when someone complains about something in their new country. I would rather vent to a group of people who are going through the same experience and not upset my fellow, who can’t change the fact that no matter how long I live in Sweden, there are always going to be things that bother me. If I choose to complain about the way something is done here at the doctor’s office, I don’t want 10 native born swedes jumping on me to say “well you live here now so get used to it”. Of course I live here now and perhaps eventually I will get used to it. But is it better I rant at my fellow and cause undue strain on our relationship or that I rant on a message board designed specifically for that purpose?

No, this did not happen to me today. I stopped posting my rants there a while ago, since I am afraid to. What angered me today was total insensitivity and it was exhibited by people from both groups, swede and american. If someone asked a simple question and you don’t have an answer to it, don’t jump on them and tell them they are a bad person for asking. If someone posts and says I am going to be doing blah blah blah, don’t answer saying boy something must be wrong with your SO for them to even consider letting you do blah blah. That is not helping, that is just hurting the people who sought information and compassion.

There, now I have had my rant here instead and feel much better. *laugh*

This morning the kidlet slept until 0945. That is amazing since this child normally never gets up later than 0730. I think he is just playing so hard at preschool he is wearing himself out. *laugh*

We went to öppna förskolan first and he had lots of fun there. Then we came home, ate lunch and he went back for preschool. His new haircut was a big hit.

I did laundry again, washed the christmas curtains, the kidlets coat and snow pants and the stuff that has accumulated since last time. Bought salmon and filleted it then baked it for dinner. We had potatoes, salad and fresh rolls with it. Was rather nice. I cleaned, vacuumed and scrubbed floors in the kitchen, entranceway and bathroom. So tomorrow will finish off the bedroom and living room. It is rather nice to have some free time to work uninterrupted here. I also took a bunch of stuff down to our big storage room, including the kidlets umbrella stroller (which he has not used for over a year) and his tricycle. He really was upset about that but I did explain that we can’t everything here taking up space. We still have his new bike, both sleds, carmat and matchbox cars in the entranceway along with those pesky coats, boots, gloves, hats etc. *laugh* Tomorrow I am taking more down there, but when he is at preschool. *smile*

He has a big bump on his forehead. When I went to pick him up, she told me that he had fallen again and showed me the bump. Then she made a little joking remark about how that was 2 days out of 3 he had fallen and hit his head. I know he is clumsy like I am so I expect bumps and bruises. But when we came home, I asked him where he fell and hit his head and said no, he had not fallen. I then asked how he got the bump and he told me quite clearly that he and another boy were playing and the other boy jumped and when he did, he hit LL’s head. I think they were jumping off the cushions piled in the corner but am not sure. What bothers me is that she told me he fell. Either she just assumed he fell again, she said “did you fall” and then never listened to his answer or the kidlet told her one story and us another. So tomorrow I will talk to her about this. Llywellyn is normally very verbal and he isn’t one to tell lies for no reason. (other than the important ones, “no mom, that wasn’t me who made that smell, it was the dog” *laugh*) So I am curious how we ended up with two stories.

Tonight I baked banana muffins and now I am relaxing for a bit before Twin Peaks comes on. Teatime at this time of night is my favourite. *smile*

Today I picked up my books at the post office. Yay! They are calling to me to start reading but I will wait until the kidlet is in bed.

We did not go to öppna förskolan this morning. Last night at bedtime when the kidlet realized his dad was not coming home for the night, he got very sad. We called and he talked to Ibo and then I tucked him in, but he was just restless and it was almost an hour past his bedtime before he drifted off to sleep. This morning he woke late, it was closer to 9 am than 8 am and that is late for our little early riser. Then he just wanted to watch tv and relax. So I figured he needed a break and didn’t push. After a bath and some lunch, he went to preschool at 1230. The teacher said that they did so well yesterday, we would try 2 hours today. So I had 2 free hours this afternoon. I finally got all the christmas stuff off the table and boxed and then put it in the storage area. Also took the dog for a 45 minute walk, quite a feat as everything melted then froze and we have a huge skating rink out there. *laugh*

We went to the grocery store after preschool and the kidlet saw the man who owns the hair place there. So he informed he wanted “boy hair” and we should go to get it cut. That was a big surprise, since he has been insisting for weeks that he wants his hair long like pappa’s. I think the knots and loud “owws” when I was combing his hair after his bath were fresh in his mind when he saw Mikael. So he now has a short cut, complete with gel and orange sprayed in it. Will snap a pic of it later.

The Waltons airs here weekdays afternoons, as of Monday. I love that show and have been taping it and watching it in the evenings. Also Twin Peaks started Monday night and I have been staying up to watch it. So last night I watched Twin Peaks and then turned the channel to catch ER at 2330. The phone rang around midnight and it was my fellow, who knew I would be up watching my favourite show, so he called to say goodnight. While we were talking he switched channels in his hotel room and informed me that “The Practice” was starting. So I watched it too and didn’t get to bed until after 1 am. In the olden days (pre motherhood) that was my best time of the day, these days I rarely see anything past 11pm. *laugh*

Going to do stew for dinner and then some more cleaning here. My decluttering is going slowly but it is happening at least. *smile*